Years ago, when I was about to give up love and just face life as a single tita who might have been a single mother, my favorite human became the best decision I have ever made in my life.
Alam ko this may sound like sirang plaka in the world of blogging and social media, but I just want to share how I came to that point in life na alam kong sya na ang gusto ko makasama habang buhay.
I've always been a hopeless romantic type of girl. From love letters, sweet treats in the locker, words of assurance na naiinlove padin ako sa jowa ko everyday, over prep ng surprises during special occassions, to love songs dedicated to you, to showing at your doorstep just to say i love you. After a series of heartbreak, I just lost the spark of coming up with ideas to express my love. Nawala talaga as in pooof! I don't feel romantic anymore, parang those are superficial things that will only last a few months and years, and then that one person you dedicate your whole attention to will just leave and say i love you to another person, and not you. Minsan nga, the sweet things I say sa letters, gagamitin pa nila sa susunod nilang jowa. Ganon. Parang love has become a fluid of sort that you can just pour from one glass to another. If that's how love is then I don't want it. Ayun yung point na, fuck I'm done with love na. Ayoko na. I'll just focus on my career and maglandi na lang from time to time when I'm lonely. I don't want to get hurt and write long blogs about someone anymore. Hahaha. Pero aminin natin that that pain can bring a different level of emotion when I write.
Buuuut! the big contradiction to what I said "fuck it ayoko na", In 2018, I started entertaining guys ulit, just for fun, because alam kong ayoko na mag jowa. I said yes to date one of my friends who I knew na crush naman nya ko ever since. It won't hurt I said, I've known him for quite some time and friends lang talaga kami, so maybe catch up lang. I just said yes to that one date, then I saw sparks fly, pakiramdam ko nagkaron ng fireworks around me. Aaaaand, everything's cheesy that happened are in other blogs I posted here of how I fell in love with him.
Fast forward to 2022, we're still together, more in love than we ever were. Tipong we can't get enough of each other. Totoo yung "someone will come into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else". All those heartaches, I don't care about them anymore, because it led me to this ocean of love and peace. He was like the definition of home for me. I don't have to pretend, I don't have to prove anything, I don't have to exert too much effort to keep the fire burning. I can just literally sleep, and he will just wake me up with hugs and kisses, telling me I am the best that ever happened to his life (well di nya sinabi yung last part in that scenario, but something like that). Everything just comes naturally.
I live and breathe stress and overthinking, and when things are just too much, he can calm the shit happening in my head, and just shower me with love, attention and food! :D As if he just know what I need every time. I still check though if he loves me, mga every 2 weeks. Lol Walang apprehensions, walang uncertainty na baka bukas di na nya ako mahal. Walang ganon. He just exudes assurance, if that's possible. I know in my heart and soul that he wants the same thing, to spend the remaining days on Earth together. I may not create a perfect picture in your head as to how I realized he's the one, there's a certain thing that I can assure you when you find your lobster. Mararamdaman mo lang talaga. Wala ka nang hahanaping iba, alam mong wala nang magpapasaya sayo katulad ng ginagawa nya, you can't just imagine life without that one living human. You don't even have to worry if he will cheat on you kasi he assures you with his actions. (Pero di pa natin sure yung cheating, may konting trust issues tayo eh). Pero for the most part I don't worry about it that much, kasi it will only hinder your happiness kung mag ooverthink tayo sa cheating arena.
You may ask, paano if sabi ng tadhana hindi pala sya para sayo? Well, handa na ako sa part na yan, I am sure that no one will ever, ever make me feel like this other than him. So, I say "fuck it, ayoko na ulit mainlove" kung hindi rin lang sa kanya.
And that my friends, is how I found my lobster. :)
Comments