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My first ever what if thoughts...

There are days that I don't want to go to work, days that I wanna wake up in a different place where no one knows me. A time to breathe different air and see different night lights. But each time I try to detach and let their worlds turn without me, it's still me who choose to go back and take care of things for them. At the end of the day, I don't know if I should stay, or take that leap of faith and chase that dream.

I'm not the type to regret things and ask non sense what if questions. I always settle for what I am sure of and for what I believe in..I despise overthinking because it only confuses people. I don't want days to just go by and let my brain explode with thoughts that are not true and will eventually make me feel worthless. Right now, I'm having the biggest dilemma I've ever had in years. I am torn between leaving and staying. 

This is not just with work...it's with all that I have right now. Work is getting well,I guess. After talking to our director, things are actually doing pretty good. My team mates believe in my intentions, promotion is on the way, projects I handle with different managers are stable; I even spoke with the president and let him see what I do! That's not an everyday event...talking to the president of the company, right? 

With my plans about business.. my baking business is improving, trying to work on new things one day at a time..I'm about to venture on getting a legit sticker for my products, getting registered and permit to operate is on the list. My plans are all in place. But deep in my heart, I know want something bigger..I want to go out there and see if I can get it, if I can thrive out there. Why self??? Why are you doing this to me? After all the hard work I put in everyday, why am I feeling a hole? Like something is missing..

What if I leave?
What if I stay?


What if I sleep? Can I wish to be away for a while to think? Can I have an ice cream? I think I need a beer, and a gallon of miracle. So help me God.

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