BRIDGE ACROSS FOREVER

 These past few weeks, I feel like I am in this state wherein, I know I should be happy, thankful, and contented, but I feel like there's something that I really can't pinpoint, which makes me feel lonely. You know? If ya feel me, I am relieved, but if ya don't get it, meeee toooo! I don't fucking get it.  I'm kinda forcing myself to reply to messages on social media, to my friends whom I dearly miss and wanna see already. However, I just don't have the energy that needs to be put in during catch-up sessions. I don't really know what's wrong, I feel lost circling this foreign emotion.  I want to take off my mind off things, but that seems impossible you know. Now I am writing this, which doesn't really solve anything for me, because I can't even explain what this is.  Then I remembered the movie Jason and I watched last night, Cloud Atlas. That humans commit the same mistake over and over again. It's like this tendency is already in our DNA,

 8/27 I drank coffee again around 10pm, so I decided to write. Wrote stuff on my journal, but the other thoughts just poured even when I was lying down already, so they ended up here. So here goes. For Jason... If there's one thing I can never unlearn, It would be loving you.   It took me a while to finally say I love you. Turned out every word I wrote about heartbreak l ed me to a wonderful story called you.   If in our next life I have to go through all the pain again, I'd take the same path, because coming to you, loved & cared by you will only mean one thing, I've come home.   Another one.. Heartaches kept me from writing about love stories.   I stopped writing love letters, because those papers will just become a memory, of me - someone who has loved another, but were not meant to be together.   It became a symbol of heartache for me. A jinx. So i stopped writing them.  When you came, I tried to write one, because I can express myself more thru writing, I wanted to

Naniniwala ka ba sa soulmate? Yung isang tao na kakambal ng soul mo. Not necessarily na sobrang kapareho mo, tipong parang carbon copy ng pagkatao mo, pero yung soul na nag ccompliment sayo. Iisa lang yan, and one in a million pag nahanap mo sya. :) Madaming kultura ang nagsasabi tungkol sa soulmates. Una, sabi sa isang keme, ang soulmate, red string. Napalabas na to sa ABS-CBN. Na sa dulo ng bawat string ay yung soulmate mo. Question, pano pag naputol yung string? Paano pag namatay yung nasa kabilang dulo ng string? May pumapalit ba? o iisa lang sya talaga at magssettle na lang ba tayo sa mediocre love? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Another 2018 draft. Fast forward to 2021, I found my soulmate.  I-relate na lang natin to sa red string, dahil parang may laban naman yung idea. Naikwento ko na din naman si Jason, na college batchmate kong di ko naman close, magkalapit kami ng bahay, after 8 years of be

Sharing an old draft, because reading through it, I thought I can't continue with the same emotions as I have in 2019, so here's an imperfect perfect snippets of what it was for me to miss someone. Is happiness absolute to everybody? Why does sadness hides behind smiles? Are we really happy? I have heard from the mouth of the devil, that sadness is different from depression who are we to invalidate a person's feelings? -------------------- I miss you the most I miss you, in many ways, I long to feel your warmth again I don;t know if I am awake or just drunk of the idea of you Am I really in love or love already buried itself to the unknown? I lie awake, thinking of how you are --------------------- I get to be the saddest person when you leave, and the happiest when you return. I dont think the cycle ever break, but forever I'll wait. I just hope you'll never see, someone better than me.

As usual, my warning 'to. My mind doesn't work in linear thought process, so like a grasshopper, hopping from an idea to another. Mood swings, from sad to trying to be light about serious problems, to happy, to morbid, to whatever emotion there is to feel. Recently, I have been harboring negative thoughts, which I tell my jowa about. They may not be tagged as negative, because the things I am constantly thinking about are current events. How the world has gone amok, and probably ending?  COVID has not died yet, and from the looks of it, madami pa syang immutate, planning to finish hanggang zeta ata? Pero sana huwag na.  Kumusta naman kaya ang North Korea? May COVID ba sa kanila? According to Google and several sites, wala! Ano pang bansa? Turmenistan, Tonga, Tuvalu, at Nauru. Sila na lang ang mga bansang walang COVID. Maygaaaad! Bless your health and immune system.  May giyera sa Afghanistan, yung mga tao, I don't if they use common sense, but fight or flight na kasi sila e

Intro: Oha! I was able to write one again real quick. The magic this site holds nga naman. Unbelievable!  Note: The scenarios may be similar to real life, but mostly influenced by The Chainsmokers & Lifehouse playing in my ears. Just fragments, di ko alam pano pag dugtong dugtungin yung kwento, pero maiintindihan mo din yan. Hopefully. ;) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Some people are meant to cross paths...that doesn't mean they are meant to fall in love and stay together. He: I was enjoying my cup of Americano, at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. It was a busy Sunday afternoon, family day. I got myself coffee, while my family enjoyed a movie. Not in the mood for one. Then I saw this lady, wearing a navy blue dress, white chucks, holding the straps of her tiny backpack, walked right in front me. I was seated at the corner facing the glass wall, overseeing the pathwalk. She seems enjoying herself walking by he

Tonight, Dunkin Iced Coffee gave me an extra something to visit my old beloved blogsite.  Grabe din yung transition ko from being that carefree, witty writer (for me lang ah), to boring person. Cringey! The reason I am coming back is very simple. The tone of my blogs when I started here was very vibrant, I ended it in 2018 with sad blogs. I have 2 muses before when I write, today, with my Wordpress blogsit,  I don't have any, I write boring stuff there. Walang excitement. I am coming back in hopes of reuniting with my muses. Sa blogsite kong to I can be very open, very poetic, very emotional, and be one with my subconscious thoughts. This was my free wall, the kid in me was here, this was where my worries and adult things are almost non existent. Just fun and malandi. hahaha.  So what am I gonna write here then? Now that my 30 year old self doesn't really know how to write anymore? Ewan ko din.  Pero recently kasi, in my struggle to go back, I browsed The Little Prince. Sabi ny