Skip to main content

Pseudocardiovascular collapse

Good day, from the Philippines na currently hinahagupit ng Typhoon Marukhit, a.k.a. Ompong.
Or baka nakaalis na sya sa PAR, wala pang balita si NDRRMC, na nagka lablayp na kaya wala na paramdam.

Bakit kasi hindi nila bigyan ng magandang pangalan yung mga bagyo? Laging hindi kagandahan eh. Di man lang, Zoraida, Segunda, Josefa. Yung classy, para kahit ang pangit ng panahon, ansaya padin tawagin ng pangalan nung bagyo. May lambing. May landi, pwedeng mahalin, para umalis na sya. Kasi ganon yon, pag minahal mo, iiwan ka. Hugot sa intro palang!

What do I feel about writing today? Dahil nasa bahay lang ako, I might just work, and singit reading, writing, and hopefully a couple of beers just to cap off a gloomy night. September na, malapit na naman matapos ang taon, malamig na naman ang ating pasko!

So again, the topic for today, mga bata, ay tungkol sa hopeless kong lablayp! hahaha. Ewan ko ba, bakit hindi ako nagsasawang utuin sarili ko na baka someday, balang araw in tagalog, dadating din ang prince charming na jjamming sa nanunumbalik kong bisyo.

How do I even start, when everything is falling apart? Well, it already did. Ako lang yung nagpupumilit na baka pwede pa?

I wanted to be there for him, in good times and bad. But, he already decided that he wants me out of his life. We can talk, but as friends. Minsan naiisip ko para akong may 50 shades of katangahan. Tinataboy na nga ako, ako pa yung lapit ng lapit. For what reason? I don't know. In the very beginning, I never intended for the relationship to last. We both knew that we have different priorities in life, and sooner or later, we will break up, for sure. Plus, we once broke up, dahil sa kataksilan nya, pero syempre pinatawad ko. Shunga nga kasi.

Anyway, 3 months already gone since we broke up, until now di pa ako nakakapag decide kung mag mmove on na ako at sundin na ang steps nung previous kong post. Pero werid enough, Im not crying over the fucking spilled milk. I've gone thru that stage in just a few weeks. But you see, pain hides in different forms, and this is harder. I have discovered that the pain I am feeling right now, cuts deeper, not because I, again, got dumped for very selfish reasons. I was willing to compromise, to sacrifice things. Pero dahil hindi meant to be, no use of pushing for it, right?

Or!!! This could be a pseudobrokenhearted-ness. Yaknow, I was really used to the loneliness breakups can cause, but this is different. This is an expected event. Although, I did not foresee that this could hurt bad as much, or even worse. I may be infatuated with the idea of moving on, kahit ang reality eh I'm already over him. Maybe? Maybe not.

It could be that I am just not ready to throw myself out there again, that's why I cling to the idea of being broken. So, I can tell myself that I don't have the chance to be with someone anymore.

Ergo, I diagnose myself with pseudocardiovascular collapse. I may need placebo just to fill the void I have in my heart right now.

Congrats to myself, you are talking to yourself again, on a saturday night. Maybe I also need a change of scene on weekends? Mag isip muna ako how to heal myself again. :p



Comments

star said…
Tara red horse :)
RV said…
Sino ka star?:p
Anonymous said…
starman89
Anonymous said…
Wag ka mapagod. Kusa din yan mangyayari. Ang para sayo ay para sayo. Let the universe guide you and when fate says its time then it'll all be worth it. You need to enjoy life more and bring all that positive glow that you had before. Don't let the past dictate who you are and who you want to be :) just be happy like jolibee hehehe
RV said…
uy! Hindi soundcloud yung reply mo ngayon infer! hahaa.
RV said…
Lahat naman ng tao napapagod, ang kelangan lang naman sa taong pagod, ay pahinga diba? Parang nakita mo na yung positive glow ko dati? hahaha. Pero thanks. I've been thinking a lot, and I realized that, the things and heartaches of the past can haunt and hurt you, only if you let them. Kaya di na. I'm moving forward! And I...thank yows! ;)
star said…
Oh... Tara na! Marami pako gusto parinig syo sana :)

Popular posts from this blog

Alamat ng Lipistik

Friday again! Happy weekend world! Again, I ask myself, how can I fucking write something happy and witty, if all I can do is sulk over the idea or feeling of being unwanted. I can’t even say that I like myself. Feeling ko nagkakaron na naman ako ng episode of the inevitable. Pero I can get over this, I know. Una sa lahat, patawad sa mga nagbabasa ng blogs ko, ang boring kong tao. Dead kid. Wala ng nagaganap na interesting sakin, maliban sa madami akong natututunan sa work ko. Yeth, I’ll tell you about my job. Nasa harap lang sya ng magandang building ng San Miguel. Nung 2015, wala pa tong building. Nag work kasi ako dati sa tabi netong building. Big hole lang to non. Dead end. Tanginang train of thought, napuputol, humihinto. Im cursed!!! Ohmaygaaaad! Gagawa na lang ako ng quick alamat! Ang topic for today, mga bata, ay tungkol sa alamat ng lipstick. Bilang mahilig sa lippie ang ating may akda, gumawa sya ng kwento tungkol sa kung paano nagsimula ang pamahid sa labi n

SINGKONG BUTAS

Sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, ultimo barya mahalaga. (kaganapan sa jeep umagang pauwi ako) Pasahero: bayad, wilcome.(lalakeng mukang papasok palang, ayoko maging judgmental, basta papasok palang) *abot bayad,abot sukli. bilang.kunot noo ni kuya passenger* P: magkanu ba hanggang wilcome? Driver: unse. P: subra ka singko. D: Salamat. *********************************************************************** Sa sobrang corrupt ng mga tao sa tabi-tabi, sa taas tass, mas may dangal pa ang ordinaryong tao na nagttrabaho sa ilalim ng araw kaysa sa mga taong nasa malambot na upuan at malamig na opisina. Nakakalungkot isipin na sa kabila ng pagnanais nating magluklok ng tapat na opisyal ng gobyerno, tila parang may masamang elemento ang nagluluklok sa kanila sa pwesto. Ano nga ba ang masamang elemento na naghahasik ng lagim sa gobyerno?PERA. Sabi nila, hindi ang pera ang sumisira sa buhay ng tao, kundi ang pagmamahal at pagnanais na magkamal ng limpak limpak na salapi. Aanhin mo ang

Barasoain Church - yung nasa sampung piso

disclaimer: Lahat ng pictures kuha lang sa humble kong android. raw lahat at hinaluan ng konting kaartehan ko, na minsan nakakainis dahil di naman kagandahan ang kinalalabasan. More practice!! Barasoain Church in Malolos, Bulacan Yung simbahan sa sampung piso: Kung titignan mo yung pera, mukang malaki yung simbahan..Pero syempre iba na ang mundo ngayon!! baka lumaki na ang mga tao at lumiit yung simbahan. Parang damit na nag sshrink pag nalabhan. Pero syempre!! joke lang mga yan.:p Magkamukha naman yung nasa sampung piso chaka sa actual kong nakita, andun yung puno na di ko alam kung legit bang yun padin yung puno, o apo na to nung original na puno. Syempre iba na ichura ng paligid nung simbahan.Yung nasa gilid ng bell tower eh may kalyeng tinayuan na ng mga maliliit na bahay at tindahan. Nakakita din ako ng ilang nagbbisikletang kuya na nakapara, nagbebenta ng kwek kwek,siomai, palamig at iba pang tnutusok. Sa kabilang side naman,