Let's be very honest my wall of thoughts, my life is a far cry from the word perfect, not a walk in the park, not an easy breezy chill by the beach..It's tough, and sometimes, it gets a little tougher. That 'sometimes' counts today.
I am in the point wherein I isolated myself to the world,brought my phone, my laptop, a few pair of clothes, and a lip tint (see,i'm a lipstick woman, but this time,it slipped my mind to throw one in my bag). I need space from all the chaos I was in these past few weeks. Work, baking and marketing weren't easy tasks to face alone. Every day, I work my ass harder each day, work gets demanding day by day.I go home to rest a few hours, buy ingredients for my orders, start baking, pack them, take a bath, sleep for a few hours, go to work, deliver the items, chika with my customers and meet new people to expand network. It's exhausting, but I am very grateful with all the opportunities I am having right now. It's like doors of opportunities suddenly sang in chorus to cheer my lonesome and boring life up. I am overwhelmed. And it's not actually the cherry on top of the cake. All the proceeds I am earning goes to le family. Then, one fine night, a little family drama happened, which pushed me to my emotional and patience is a virtue limit. I wept like an angry orangutan! I can't do anything, I may have said a few hurtful words, received some from them and I snapped.
I want to be alone. Don't talk to me. Don't ask my whereabouts. Just leave me alone.
I slept for hours and hours and hours...woke up, stare at the ceiling, with a blank canvass of thoughts..in short, wala!:p Then breakdown,and realize I haven't eaten and drank anything since breakfast. Now I realized I only ate and craved for burger since the incident happened. My comfort food in a bun. Bonus feature: I cry while eating my burger and fries. Such a cry baby.
Today, I'm still in the same hotel room, changing channels without settling for one, turn off the tv, sit on the couch, and just weep occasionally, with my second cup of bland coffee (they claimed this to be brewed with creamer for Php95 a cup!). For those who will ask if a already bathed (because I have friends who always ask if I take a bath during the weekends),I did. Twice. Since I came in. :p
Honestly,I don't know why I reacted as such.I am used to family drama, ignore it like a bruise, move on, forgive and forget. It could be my hormones, but I just had my last a few days a go. Am i getting too sensitive? Or maybe, all the stresses I've been facing lately accumulated and just burst out in an ugly way. I suddenly remembered Sigmund Freud's statement: "suppressed feelings will resurface in uglier ways". However, it was not suppressed, not intentional. I wasn't aware then, until today's plate of contemplation. Such mystery of knowing thy own deepest emotions!
Don't scold me for being stubborn, tell me to go home and say sorry. I'll eventually come around to that idea. Now that I've already recorded my feelings here, it made me feel better. Thanks to my ever loyal blog, so animatedly inanimate. Whhhut? :p
Maychameeee (my sister), who's not usually thoughtful, bothered to always check up on me and tell me she misses me. My chubby chameeeee. heart heart.
end.
I am in the point wherein I isolated myself to the world,brought my phone, my laptop, a few pair of clothes, and a lip tint (see,i'm a lipstick woman, but this time,it slipped my mind to throw one in my bag). I need space from all the chaos I was in these past few weeks. Work, baking and marketing weren't easy tasks to face alone. Every day, I work my ass harder each day, work gets demanding day by day.I go home to rest a few hours, buy ingredients for my orders, start baking, pack them, take a bath, sleep for a few hours, go to work, deliver the items, chika with my customers and meet new people to expand network. It's exhausting, but I am very grateful with all the opportunities I am having right now. It's like doors of opportunities suddenly sang in chorus to cheer my lonesome and boring life up. I am overwhelmed. And it's not actually the cherry on top of the cake. All the proceeds I am earning goes to le family. Then, one fine night, a little family drama happened, which pushed me to my emotional and patience is a virtue limit. I wept like an angry orangutan! I can't do anything, I may have said a few hurtful words, received some from them and I snapped.
I want to be alone. Don't talk to me. Don't ask my whereabouts. Just leave me alone.
I slept for hours and hours and hours...woke up, stare at the ceiling, with a blank canvass of thoughts..in short, wala!:p Then breakdown,and realize I haven't eaten and drank anything since breakfast. Now I realized I only ate and craved for burger since the incident happened. My comfort food in a bun. Bonus feature: I cry while eating my burger and fries. Such a cry baby.
Today, I'm still in the same hotel room, changing channels without settling for one, turn off the tv, sit on the couch, and just weep occasionally, with my second cup of bland coffee (they claimed this to be brewed with creamer for Php95 a cup!). For those who will ask if a already bathed (because I have friends who always ask if I take a bath during the weekends),I did. Twice. Since I came in. :p
Honestly,I don't know why I reacted as such.I am used to family drama, ignore it like a bruise, move on, forgive and forget. It could be my hormones, but I just had my last a few days a go. Am i getting too sensitive? Or maybe, all the stresses I've been facing lately accumulated and just burst out in an ugly way. I suddenly remembered Sigmund Freud's statement: "suppressed feelings will resurface in uglier ways". However, it was not suppressed, not intentional. I wasn't aware then, until today's plate of contemplation. Such mystery of knowing thy own deepest emotions!
Don't scold me for being stubborn, tell me to go home and say sorry. I'll eventually come around to that idea. Now that I've already recorded my feelings here, it made me feel better. Thanks to my ever loyal blog, so animatedly inanimate. Whhhut? :p
Maychameeee (my sister), who's not usually thoughtful, bothered to always check up on me and tell me she misses me. My chubby chameeeee. heart heart.
end.
Comments
I'm a bit sad this is happening to you though we dont know each other very well. I'm not here to scold you or anything like that, it happens to me sometimes as well (i stayed at a complete strangers house when i was 23 for about a week)it was also a family incident. I completely understand what you're going through but we're all here your family,friends and your fan(s) waiting. Maybe you just need to get away from the city. Sometimes its tough living here y'know?coz u gotta deal with real life. Anyway take a couple of days off, i hope youre safe whatever it is you're doing. I am here :)