Brain Struggles

Weekend na naman..weekend na naman na wala ako sa huwisyo umalis at pumunta kung saan. Yung panahon na ayoko muna makakita ng kakilala. Minsan iniisip ko kung normal ba talaga na maramdaman 'to o sadyang may sayad lang ako..

Nag back read ako ng mga previous posts ko, ok naman yung progress ng healing process ko...pero ngayon di ko alam.Ibang dimension na naman ng sadness nararamdaman ko, di ko alam kung kelangan ko pa ba i post lahat ng yun, kasi parang ako mismo napapangitan na puro sad posts na lang nailalagay ko. A question popped into my head,am i really happy? I would say yes, with all the blessings I have right now. But I guess the loneliness I have is something innate already that I want to shut myself from the world,  to just regain all the energy I spent during the last few weeks.

Saan ba ako pupunta ngayong weekend na gusto ko na naman mapag isa? Di ko gets bakit di pa ako nasanay sa sariling ganto naman lagi halos every month.. I need my alone time and I need a breath of fresh air (kahit puro pollution naman talaga dito sa kamaynilaan) from this cruel world.

I've always have doubts in my personal strengths,it takes a lot of convincing for myself to believe that I can do something on my own. And it takes a good gallon of alcohol just to make me smile and tell myself that I can conquer the world for another week!

Pero ngayon, burger,beer at shawarma lang ang gusto kong intake to make me feel sane again! wooohoooo! at miraculously, gusto ko ng music. It's not something I do when stressed,listening to music? No. it's more on my mood booster before I go to work, but not a day ender. 

Yung flight of ideas ko sa post kong to matindi. hahaha. alam ko na bakit yung thoughts ko ganto! di na ako masyado nakakabasa ng motivational books! kelangan ko nun..Imma find one..

Finish na to. I'll catch up reading nga pala this weekend. I already wasted a day sleeping sooooo,I'll make the most of my Sunday.

Ang lastly,I promise myself to post something happy and witty again the next time I go back here. Gotta go back to writing and!! I have to start reviewing for NCLEX, which I'm planning to take next year. Big dreams! kelangan pangatawanan!woooooh!

Amen!