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Paradise Smoke

Once I asked someone, do you know a time when you feel like the world around you is in deep slumber, and you enjoy the perception of being alone...sensing all there is to feel, the darkness before dawn, a peculiar moment of silence within twilight.

Today seems one of those days, that I get flashbacks, of all the things that happened these past few weeks, months. I met someone, someone who unexpectedly made me feel alive again, someone whom I confided all the bizarre thoughts my brain can make up, and luckily this person listened. I'll paint a picture of him; he is  tall, fair-skinned, and he smells like none of the earthlings I ever smelled in my life. He has brown eyes, like chestnuts, which looked into my soul, like he knows more that I want to tell him. His lips that curves when he sees something amusing, his head that tilts sideways involuntarily when he's thinking, or maybe twas just one of his mannerisms. And his voice, god, his voice makes me feel I'm listening to a lullaby...stop. I want to continue,but this is not about how I became infatuated.This is about how I realized s few things from the moment I met him, which, in fact would not relate to this interesting creature.

I found words while I breathe smoke, I saw monsters while sipping my 4th bottle, and then I thought, how to do I move from where I am seated, to my paradise? But, before I could even think of ways to get there, I have baby questions circling the idea.

what is paradise for me?
Is there such place, in this world we live in?
am i crazy enough to think that i can get there?
how?
---

The words come and go, and even before I could write a single, the idea left already. Just like all the guys I loved before.

What's the weirdest thing about love today?
it's by how people package it and how they want and make other people see it. Is it by all the expensive trips you go to with the person you love? Is it by the fancy dates you go every week, just to let others feel that this is 'relationship goals'?

Or is it the old-fashioned love letters, a single red rose, a warm embrace and a soft whisper, 'I want to grow old with you..'?
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What is happiness? Can we really buy happiness?

Maybe.

We buy tickets to places unknown,just to search for your lost soul. We purchase material things to make ourselves believe that these things should, should make us happy,because the object we used to get these are hard earned. Should these really be the boundaries of human happiness?

Is there anyone else in this world who's glad to just see another person smile, regardless of the reason behind that curved lips? Is there anyone else, who finds joy while hearing friends get together, in a restaurant, and not seeing them use their phones to take a picture of their exquisite dinner plates?
Is there anyone else, who finds bliss when you see a baby sneeze, then a bubble of saliva comes out of the little one's mouth? Is there anyone else, who would join me to celebrate, when the world would just halt moving, enjoy the polluted breeze in the city and just smile as the birds start to chirp and sing?
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Does time and age sound alike to you?

One of the things I was frowning about while I was puffing my cigarette earlier, was how age defined how we should act and feel.

Should our actions be tantamount to our age? A year old little human is expected to talk gibberish things.What if a kid has not yet talked when he/she has turned 3 already?  Likewise, should we expect a 30-year old person to have a successful life? And who should dictate us what a successful life is?

Time has become a god to all human beings, we have the words; early and late because we created a baseline, a specific number in the clock when should all things be done. We became slaves.Just like age, we are all expected to do things in a certain time.

Sometimes I wish, I can be Alice.
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Can someone drown without water?

when a person drown, the water gets in and submerge the person, with no chance to breathe life. How does a person's thoughts overpower him and eventually kill him?
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How did our food become a status symbol?

As far as Maslow's hierarchy of needs is concerned, food is one of the physiologic needs. It didn't say that if you put truffles in your dried fish, you get more nourishment than the rest of the world. I've known people who, unknowingly judge another person just because he's eating sardines during lunch. then a questions just came to my head, why do we base our judgment by the food a person eats?
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Does your work output define you as a person?

Do you have the right to tell a person's stupid just because he's not meeting your expectations?
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I found words while sniffing the leftover smoke, I found temporary solitude just before the sun rose. And before the world wakes up, I told myself, that paradise is a nest.A place I would have to create myself, the way I want it, in accordance to my happiness, and should not be rushed just because the society tells me so.

I found words while lighting another cigarette, I found a momentary peace just before I finished my 4th. And before I shut myself from this world, I remember the interesting creature I recently met...with a twin question. Is he going to stay, or is he just another ephemeral being, who'll just utter the legendary 'it's not you, it's me' line? haha

end.

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