BRIDGE ACROSS FOREVER

 Do you ever have that feeling wherein, I feel in my heart that this is what I want to do, but I am afraid I might fail, but I am already taking baby steps to get to where I want to be, but at the same time it feels wrong because ROI will not be instant.  Ok this one's sitting in my drafts since January 17, and a lot has happened already. And by a lot, it was and is a lot to this day. Anyway, I will surely post all from my drafts, because this has been my therapy since god knows since when. And today, with me drowning in anxiety, I will be needing more time typing my feelings away because we cannot afford a therapist.  So, to my old self in January...I am still wishing that 2026 will really be a breakthrough, because right now, since early Feb, all I have was breakdowns and shitload of bills to pay.  I just wanted to breathe. To be free. I know I am living better than a lot of people out there, but I feel sooooooo tied up. It could be age, it could be that I am start...

I am generally nonchalant—but I am also considerate. I blend in, I give respect to colleagues, friends, and superiors in the workplace. I see myself as an average employee who does what is expected and is content with where I am. I am not aggressively career-driven. I simply want to do work I enjoy, get paid, enjoy life after work, and quietly exist in this cruel world. With over 15 years of corporate experience, not much fazes me anymore. I’ve met both great and difficult people. Toxic behavior at work usually doesn’t bother me deeply—I get annoyed, yes, but I move on quickly. However,   2025 gave me an experience I will remember for the rest of my life. In January 2025, I left my longest employment—almost seven years. It felt like the right time to move forward. I carry only gratitude for that company and the people who became my family during those years. By March 2025, I accepted a contract role. I wanted to try something new and experience working in BGC. The adjustment was qu...

Regressing at the moment, but finally got the courage to write this one down so I can process my negative thoughts, and hopefully start moviiiiing forward. Right now, I just feel so afraid to go out. I feel like I wanted to stay in this mental safe place I created to preserve the littlest sanity I had left when I resigned.  It's been a little over a month since I left my last employer. That was mid October, but that whole month, I was sick ( first time I experienced flu na magkasunod! like 1 week apart) until like mid November. Then I started going out then, finding new hobbies, just trying my best to not kill myself. You know what I mean?  So, if you are wondering how I got in that point, which I did not expect myself to be in, ganito. This is going to be long and probably you will think that it's no biggie, but to me it cost me my sanity, my self confidence, my peace and my health.  Let's start early this year. January 2025, I resigned from my almost 7 years employment....

Tama nga sila, those that you have already watched or read when you were younger, try doing them again now that you're adult, and it will give you a different perspective about it and about life.  Back in the 90s, I was a grade schooler, I first saw the movie James & the Giant Peach. Ang memory ko sa kanya was James was a bad a boy and he was punished and became a tiny insect and met Centipede, Miss Spider, Earthworm or Silkworm, Grasshopper and others. Then they travelled the world in that giant peach. The movie was dark for me, Tim Burton kinda vibe. I only saw that movie once.  Last month, while I was watching live selling, I was specifically looking for Roald Dahl books. Wala lang, yung era ko today is collecting children's books, for the purpose of reading them at this age, para lang change of scenery of the mind. I've been stressed lately, and I know going back to the things I like when I was younger would really help. So aside from looking for the original fairyt...

I hope someday you find this.  Six years has passed and I still feel every inch of me misses you when we are not together.  Six years has already passed but you still make every effort to spoil me,  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Edit: Another long time draft, and now I found time to go back and write another one.  Today, April 21st, 6 years and 4 months has passed, and every day makes me realize why I feel like we are going to stay together forever.  Right now is not the most ideal phase of our lives, there are aspects that we need to improve on, but despite that, I feel that as long as we are together, we will overcome anything. These past few days were like a  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Edit: Today is October 18, 2025 A few years back, I started doing this not editing the draft of my...

 I miss Tumblr, Mutliply where it's a safe space to just express your thoughts without people attacking you and that discussion is more of an open flow conversation, shedding light to controversial topics. Sharing experiences without judgment. testing hypothesis with positive / constructive criticisms. Ewan ko ha? From Friendster's testi era, na sobrang nakaka uplift ng spirit lagi pag makakatanggap ka ng testi, to Facebook na magsabi ka lang ng opinyon mo babarahin ka na at mamatahin ng iba just because your opinion differ from theirs. Kelan lang yun 2008? Not so long ago pa, but people on the internet has evolved to their virtual violent versions of themselves.  Paano nga ba tayo humantong sa ganto? Ok, disclaimer lang, hindi ito according to studies or what not. According ito sa mga napansin ko, na -experience at opinyon ko. Kung meron kang paniniwala na gusto i share, pwede ka naman mag share sa comment section without making me feel na bobo ako, or mas matalino ka sakin, ...

A supposed blog for my Ading's Pa-siyam, but I have been editing from time to time. So here lies exceprts for you my forever love.  Happy 9th day my forever fluff. I know you are now at peace and enjoying heaven, with your wings as fluffy as your fur. Sorry if I can't be as happy as you, I didn't know missing you would be this hard. I didn't know losing you would be the most difficult time of my life. Each day feels lonelier knowing that I will never see you again. If only there's a price to pay just to see you, and hug you again, I'm willing to bet everything I have just to have another moment with you. Sixteen years felt so short.  I mentally prepared for this, that this day will come. Little did I know, it was just the tip of the iceberg.  It was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. Although I still want to prolong your life, it was too selfish to just let you suffer. It's time to end your struggle. You've been the best companion, the kin...

Sabi nila, the greatest act of love is letting go. Letting go of the person you love most, and let them live their best life without you.  Edi andito tayo at one of my darkest points of life, listening to 241 by Rivermaya, tapos naalala ko si Rico Blanco at Maris Racal. Nag break sila because apparently, Rico proposed marriage to Maris, but she's not ready yet. She wants to explore and know herself more. Salute for prioritizing herself and not accepting the proposal, kasi she might just end up unhappy and disliking her husband because she sacrificed a big step in her career. Anyway, ang point ko dito was the act of letting go. Rico let her spread her wings, and watch her become the best version of herself. Finding happiness and wonders of life without him.  Anyway, my kwento today is not super similar, but I felt it was a good story to share with you (tagal kita di nakwentuhan blog), I remembered that time in my life, when I thought I was gonna marry my first love. I was young...

 Lately, I've been thinking about life, my dreams, some negative thoughts - comparing myself to my batch mates who made something already for themselves, starting a family, am I ready for that? Changing careers. You get it, I have a lot going on in my head. It hasn't come to a point na magbbreakdown ako, but I am longing for my friends. During college, before we took the board exam, or that was after I forgot. We went to a spontaneous Tagaytay trip, then we sad on a parang ledge ba or something overlooking the city. Ang pinag uusapan namin, ano na kaya mangyayare satin? Sino kaya unang magkakaanak, sino unang mag aasawa? San kaya tayo mag wwork? Mga ganon. It was so pure, and we were clueless of what lies ahead of us. Fast forward to today, all of us I would say walang napariwara. Lahat kami are working, yung iba doctor na nga and some of us nag asawa na, and may pamilya na. Me? still figuring out if I am really ready to take the leap. I would not say na naghihirap ako, I am li...

May dalawang bagay na medyo nabbother ako at kelangan ko ng kasagutan talaga. Una, bakit may parents na gustong dalhin ang baby nila sa Disneyland. Take note, mga 3 - 8 months ang pinag uusapan ha. Walang yaya na kasama. Tatlo lang daw sila. Hindi naman matatandaan ng baby yon. Kahit pakitaan mo ng pictures, di rin naman nila matatandaan. Basta alam nila nag Disneyland sila nung baby pa sila. Nag enjoy ba sila? Also, mapapagod lang yung parents mag alaga, mag tulak ng stroller. Di pa sila makakapag rides. Please enlighten me. Edit: Because this has been in my drafts for years, I got good insights coming from my friends who have done this with their kids. The gist of their answers were "creating memories", although hindi pa to masasama sa core memory ng baby, it will be sa parents. Since parents experience burnout as well, going to a place where their inner kid would enjoy is a great ice breaker to their exhausted parent bodies. haha. basta ganon. It was an eye-opener. Pangala...

Super nauso yung mga tweets about manifesting ng jowa. Example: Mariz Racal & Rico Blanco. Nagtweet si Mariz years ago about Rico then after how may years, sila na. Ganong levels. Madaming celebrities nag-post ng ganito non. Basta gets nyo na yung idea.  Then I realized, I did manifest the person I am with today (since puberty stage). Nung high school palang ako, syempre ayun yung stage in life na you form those things in your head about your ideal someone. Ang m adalas kong crush yung mga naka-glasses, matangkad, payat, and mabango. Pero ang mga pinalad sa raffle na HS jowa ko non, ay different from my "ideal guy". Ewan ko din, bihira pa sa 4 leaf clover makakita ng ganung lalake sa school namin. Tapos yung nag-iisang ganon na crush ko that time, eh hindi ako gusto! Skip na natin yung college. Kasi dito yung parang united nations ang mga nagdaan na lalake sa buhay ko. Walang pattern, and again. Hindi padin pasok sa ideal guy category. Usually merong kulang. Naka-glas...

Syempre sasali tayo sa usaping Slater Young at Kryz Uy. Bilang bet ko yung videos ng anak nilang si Scottie hahaha According sa mga nabasa ko sa Twitter, (di na ako nakinig sa podcast nila dahil naniniwala ako na karamihan ng podcasts ay pasikatan lang ng mga beliefs na feeling nila ay superior over other people's opinion) hindi naman talaga walking green flag si Slater, based sa podcast episodes nila. Muka lang syang ideal because that's how they are posing or that's what they want the world to see sa vlogs nila or sa posts. Aba malamang! Social Media is crap! It's an endless cycle of making the world believe that you are living the best life and not falling apart.  Anyway, back to the issue na sabi ni Slater, it's ok to fantasize other women kahit you are in a committed relationship. In his case, may asawa na sya. Sabi nya it's very very normal since he has friends, in their gc na nagssend ng pictures ng ibang babae, and comment about the physical beauty and a...

It was our 4th anniversary last Dec 21st, and we (or ako lang pala, kasi tinanong nya ko ano gusto ko gawin) decided to do something different. With our busy and sometimes conflicting schedule, usually ang date namin ay maiksi lang, so this time, we'd like to just disconnect and just spend quality time together, so we are celebrating it week long. Going to somewhere a bit far from Manila will do the trick. Bilang ang tita nyo ay may bucketlist na mostly makikita sa Sibika at Kultura books, we are ticking off Banaue Rice Terraces of that list. :) Also, hindi ko alam na may direct na bus going to Banaue, so nag byahe muna kami to Baguio. Victory Liner - book your seats online para less pila sa terminal. Parang airplane lang, you can choose your seats. Lagay ko na lang breakdown ng expenses namin sa baba. We had our snacky sa Chocalate de Batirol, must try, and dinner before trip to Banaue sa Hill Station, in which I found my favorite Ceasar salad. :D For convenience and less pila tim...