It's just the same busy Monday for most..but for a lonesome creature like me, it's not the usual quiet Monday morning...
The universe has been conspiring with destiny to ruin what I thought a good,quiet relationship. I thought he's the guy who'll prove that cheating is not actually a thing for guys, but then..since this is not meant to last forever, the relationship ended in the ways I did not expect.
I'm not perfect. I wouldn't say that I've never been in an affair that affected people's lives,but when I decided to enter this relationship, after years of hibernation, I told myself that I'll make this a quiet one, wherein I would shout out to the world that I'm in love.
I made him feel loved,I gave him things he didn't have before,. I brought him to places he never been to, I introduced him to cuisines his taste buds have never tasted before. I taught him how to adult, how to treat life with goodness, how to make ends meet, how to work well with stupid people, and how to love oneself before anybody else. Ergo, I've been the girlfriend he asked for.
The relationship lasted for almost 6 months..T'was a bliss at first, like most relationships, I guess. He's been the best 'alipin ng pag-ibig'. Fed me like I was a baby,gave all my food craving even in the darkest hour of night, made me feel beautiful even when I'm already fat, and he's been the proudest when we became a couple. He made me laugh the hardest..but the thing he did to break my trust cuts the deepest.
It never occurred to me that he'll be the one going around sniffing other girls' neck. It was just a day out with the boys,which apparently,became boys day out with a girl. I know all of them, they're my friends, including the girl..or so I thought. Just like any sane girlfriend, I asked what happened during their inuman, he said it was ok, fun, he got wasted.nothing more. I know that he went with the girl after that, since they have the same way, going home.We got into a tiny fight after that because he got mad with one of our friends because he posted a video taken during that day. Nothing out of the ordinary, just boys goofing around. I asked him, 'bakit ka nagagalit,ok lang naman yung video, chaka tayo tayo lang naman nakakakita, may kelangan ka bang itago?'
And that was just a gut feel remark which I did not give much attention, until one day..after almost 2 weeks after their fun day out, a close friend of mine told what happened after.. The rest was history.
The reason why I'm fucking hurting is because I knew them both. He was mine and she was my friend. We used to dine out together with her, and I didn't think that they would do such fucking shit behind my back, making me look stupid because I have no idea what they did! I even look like shit going to work crying. Crying while working, while shitting in the toilet, while eating. I gave them the satisfaction to look at me while I was like that. It took me a few days to get my shit together, not mind their existence, and treat them like any other human beings. Twas hard and still is now...
Heartaches depresses all my living cells,just like every one else, I mourn every waking hour of my life. But I make the best happy smiles to spread around even when I'm in pain. I don't know until when I'll be like this. I don't even know until when am I going to stare at the pieces and pick them up. All I know is that it hurts like hell, I was betrayed, lied to and now I can't stand a day without crying it all out, just to feel a little better.
How do I start?
Comments
click